Short Story: How Diddy should've gone to jail
By burning down the 40/40 club
ICYMI
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Nightlife wasn't what it used to be. Sean John “Love” Combs missed his old name. After changing it to “Love” he realized that “love” didn’t live in the nightlife anymore. He didn’t need to go back to being “Puff Daddy”. There was only version of him that could bring life back to the club scene—he needed to be “Diddy” again.
Everyone thought he was in hiding out but he was studying. He watched the nightclub videos online and he wasn’t impressed. He had been in Bali on the beach wearing white linen and shoes with no socks for too long. Besides, his ankles were swelling up from not wearing proper footwear. There was also a rash on his foot and he needed to get the hell out of there.
Diddy had more party in him without drugs than his children and he was in his 50s. Ain't no party like a Diddy party—not always in a good way but he knew it.
In all the videos he watched online, the dance floor was empty. All the women were in V.I.P sections pretending to smoke hookah and making kissy face videos. “What happened to sweating out your hair?” he kept thinking watching the online models posting selfies of themselves.
No one dressed up anymore. There was a bunch of guys holding up the wall wearing beauty supply store gold chains and sagging skinny jeans. “Where was the swag? Where was the sexy? Everyone was staring at their phones nodding to music with samples of his music. Diddy sampled all of it first. How dare they sample all of his samples!
Then, somewhere in the distance he heard Usher’s “Burn” playing. “I think that you should let it burn…” he could hear Usher singing.
As much as he wanted to be in the clubs again, he didn't like the energy. “The party ain’t jumping like it used to” sang the chorus of the song.
It was as if he got a call from God that he needed to remind people that he reigned supreme as the chaotic king of the night.
Diddy wanted to go down in history as the legend he was destined to be. He has danced on stage and took the award from his artists during their performance live on at an award show. He made another band walk across town to Junior’s in NYC for a slice cheesecake on “Making the Band”. He was accused of killing Tupac. Diddy understood chaos.
Diddy could burn down a nightclub on purpose. He didn’t want to get away with it. And he would only refer to himself in the third person because that what Diddy does.
He called his assistant and without a greeting, yelling into the phone “Why the fuck is no one drinking Ciroc in the club?” It was Tuesday. His assistant usually got this call on Thursday’s. Something must have gone awry.
Diddy had already made a bunch of phone calls himself. That was even worse. The assistant was getting texts and questions about a club appearance she knew nothing about. His last three assistants warned her she had to know when he was going to create chaos before he did.
She wasn’t allowed to let him to make his own phone calls because whenever he did chaos ensued.
He called Quentin Tarantino and told him that something special was in store for him. Samuel L. Jackson demanded that he be a part of this plan when he heard it first.
The song from his Uptown internship music days was how he responded to his assistant because he was Diddy and did that often. “Please hush, no questions asked. Lay back and relax,” he sang to himself as he dressed to Guy’s “Piece of My Love”.
The song also sparked an idea. He needed a soundtrack to set this fire to. No one told Tarantino the real plan. He told him he dusted off the shiny suit from his 2001 era for Tarantino to wear.
The plan was for Tarantino to be handcuffed to a stripper pole for all the times he said “Nigga” in his movies. Selma Hayek would hold him in place with a foot in Tarantino’s mouth while Uma Thurman put a bare foot in his crotch. Pam Grier would place the handcuff on him. His foot fetish would be his downfall.
Diddy didn’t tell him that part though.
“I know that this is wrong but the feelings so strong” played in the foyer of his mansion as he danced out the door. He had a club to burn down and Diddy needed to immortalize going to prison in legendary fashion. Singing to himself like the villain he always wanted to be, the idea was getting better the more he thought about it.
Besides, he was bored and this was would be his crown his legacy —by burning down the 40/40 club.
Only he and God knew why it had to be 40/40 club.